Father's Day

It's Father's Day today and my mind is filled with so many thoughts which with a little editing might just make for a worthy blog entry so here goes...

Father's Day used to be such a bitter affair for me but this year (2012) things are very different...

This year I find myself pitying the man I jokingly (with a hint of not-so-much) refer to as my sperm donor. I've come to realise that for the past 29 years HE has been missing out on my life not the other way around. 29 years of knowing you have a son and not being man enough to be that boy's father can't be easy on the ego. So much time has passed, time that could've/should've been spent on getting to know a man that's turned out to be pretty amazing (even if I do say so myself) but he chose to do other things and that's okay by me now; he made his choices and has to live with the consequences thereof for the rest of his days.

The last time I saw him was at my uncle's funeral last month. I saw him in the church but I never even recognised him (before that I saw him at my grandmother's funeral back in 2008 and it's not like's he's gained weight or anything) and when one of my cousins pointed him out to me later at the graveyard I was surprisingly unaffected by his presence. I had no desire to confront/punch him like in the past and as strange as that non-reaction was for me, it felt rather nice; grown up almost.

If the man ever does come to a point where he wants to pursue a father-son relationship with me I feel like I'm strong and emotionally intelligent enough to accommodate him without actually caring if it all works out or not, he must just know drinks are on him.

My hatred of him has evolved into a mixture of pity and indifference and that's rather sad, for him I mean...